Cold hands, warm shart.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
