lets start a swedish sibling band together
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
