she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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