i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
