Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
FUCK WHALES
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
