i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
