we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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