Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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