guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
time to smoke my breakfast
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
