I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
