I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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