I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The power of my boobs compel you
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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