if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
