haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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