I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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