We named our party play list daddy issues
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
