Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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