1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
