ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
