I skipped work to stalk him.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
