I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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