someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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