Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
