tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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