it's like iHOP with fire
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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