meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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