There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
