the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
