im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
