I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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