id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
