when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
