I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
