I cannot find my penis.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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