he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
