I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
