i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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