you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
