yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
