About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
