i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
