Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
