Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
