Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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