Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
