This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
