remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
