the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
