is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
