Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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