She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
