Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
someone owes me an orgasm
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
