Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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