my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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